__Don't touch the couch...__ (it's technically not ours). __[Williams-Sonoma's](https://robinhood.com/stocks/wsm)__ West Elm brand partnered with __Rent The Runway__ so you can rent a 2-year Chaise instead of buy one and awkwardly sell it on craigslist. RTR's showing West Elm [the ropes](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/12/rent-the-runway-west-elm-team-up-to-offer-home-decor-rentals.html) on leasing out its mid-century mod chairs for your post-college 1-bedroom.

__Hold the condiments...__ Fresh after announcing an embarrassing billion-dollar accounting error, __[Kraft Heinz](https://robinhood.com/stocks/khc)__ is getting itself together. To start, [it's putting](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/12/kraft-heinz-weighs-sale-of-its-breakstones-cottage-cheese-sour-cream.html) its sour cream and cottage cheese biz on the market, and investors approve of the down-sizing of its old school food.

__Define The Relationship...__ Germany's two biggest banks, __[Deutsche](https://robinhood.com/stocks/db)__ and __[Commerzbank](https://www.robinhood.com/stocks/CRZBY)__, confirmed they're "[in talks](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47602571)" about merging. But with the country's powerful labor unions and the Volk's concerns of merging #1 with #2, they're taking it slow.

Who's having fun...

__The California Walnut's expensive...__ The $33M that __[Lumber Liquidators](https://robinhood.com/stocks/ll)__ has to pay in penalties is expensive-r. The wood-seller was fined heavily for buying Chinese floorboards that were treated with Formaldehyde, a known carcinogen (and CBS [cracked](https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/12/business/lumber-liquidators/index.html) the case Scooby Doo style with a simple factory visit).

__S-3-X-Y...__ The team's now complete after __[Tesla](https://robinhood.com/stocks/tsla)__ unveiled its 4th eDriving option: Model Y. With more Americans splurging on bigger cars, the Y's size sits snugly between its Model X (SUV) and 3 (sedan). But investors weren't impressed with Elon's "[underwhelming](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/teslas-introduction-to-the-model-y-underwhelms-and-stock-promptly-falls-2019-03-15)" infomercial-style unveil.

__Bring in das lawyers...__ Just after revealing it's going carbon neutral by 2050, __[Volkswagen](https://robinhood.com/stocks/vwapy)__ got sued by the USA. The guys and gals at the SEC claim VW [execs knew](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/15/dieselgate-sec-says-volkswagen-perpetrated-fraud-lied-to-investors.html?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter_axiosmarkets&stream=business) as far back as 2007 that they its emissions readings were lies. And since V-dub leaders didn't tell investors, that's fraud. 

Down

...And who's having less fun

__Mom's upset you don't post on Facebook anymore?...__ Add that to the list of drama. __[Facebook](https://robinhood.com/stocks/fb)__ shares fell 3% last week on bad news all up in its feed.

__FB got swept in 4 games...__ by life. The social network's now more intertwined with society than the phone services it's made obsolete. That's why these problems have huge impact: 

- __People:__ One of the OG FB-ers not named Zuck is Chris Cox, and he was leading product there until [stepping down](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/15/facebook-stocks-falls-after-cox-exit-outage-threats-from-washington.html) Thursday. So did Chris Daniels, the head of WhatsApp. 
- __Technical:__ #FacebookDown happened Wednesday, as “[Server](https://twitter.com/facebook/status/1106229690069442560)" issues caused Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp to unapologetically stop working.
- __Legal:__ Federal prosecutors sent out criminal investigators to see if Facebook broke laws by sharing user information inappropriately with [over 150](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/13/technology/facebook-data-deals-investigation.html) tech companies.
- __Societal:__ The mass murderer in New Zealand used Facebook to live broadcast his terrible acts.

Click

__The Situation Room's empty...__ Zuck's deputies aren't there anymore to help him fix all this. Cox led everything ("Product" is a catch-all word in tech referring to all the stuff a company does for customers). The WhatsApp founders were already gone, but now their sub's done, too. And the Insta guys are #Out.

More bad Facebook PR. Lots more.

Dow Jones

S&P 500

Nasdaq

Bitcoin

10-Yr US Treasury

How The Zuck must be feeling right about now

Facebook Gets Poked (Badly)

__How much is clear skin worth?...__ Wall Street thinks $240M. __[Dermira's](https://www.robinhood.com/stocks/DERM)__ company value jumped by that much Monday on [news](http://investor.dermira.com/news-releases/news-release-details/dermira-announces-positive-topline-results-phase-2b-study?field_nir_news_date_value[min]=) it cleared a key hurdle in developing a drug to treat Dermatitis. Shareholders are feeling *clean and clear and under control*.

__Sweet ticker symbol — "DERM"...__  It deals in medical treatments for Atopic Dermatitis, so it's hard to evaluate the biz without a Molecular Biology & Biochemistry degree (that's a real [degree](http://www.middlebury.edu/academics/mbb)). Small bio-tech companies like Dermira also don't even have products (yet), so it's all speculation. Monday's news though improves the prognosis that it could make money someday. 

Dose

__Carpe freaking diem...__ Fresh off the news, Dermira announced it's issuing new shares to raise new money so it can do the lab work needed to pass Phase III testing. But analysts think the market for atopic dermatitis treatment will be [$8B by 2021](https://www.thestreet.com/investing/stocks/dermira-shares-rocket-after-successful-phase-ii-eczema-treatment-study-14898758), so some investors are taking the gamble this drug can work. 


Dermira scores 84% stock boost on positive drug test

__Spoiler Alert...__ Canada's official legalization of pot was really, really good for cannabis producer __[Tilray](https://robinhood.com/stocks/tlry)__. It announced Monday it sold a record 6,478 kilos of the stuff last year (double 2017's). And a third of its product is now used recreationally by Canada Joe and Jane.

__Tilray doesn't smoke alone...__ One of the biggest reveals in Monday's earnings report is that Tilray's putting serious money into a new project with a new partner: __[Budweiser](https://www.robinhood.com/stocks/BUD)__-owner [AB-InBev](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/18/weed-grower-tilray-pops-after-sales-rise-110percent-kilograms-sold-doubles.html). They're each tossing in $50M to cook up CBD-infused drinks to replace your Four Loko memories.

Inhale

__Tilray doesn't chill...__ It's got its hands in so many pot projects worldwide — it's borderline peer-pressure.
- Tilray [expanded](https://www.cnbc.com/2018/12/18/tilray-shares-jump-after-announcing-deal-with-swiss-drugmaker-novartis.html) its partnership with Swiss pharmaceutical icon __[Novartis](https://robinhood.com/stocks/nvs)__ to package and ship __medicinal cannabis__ everywhere it's legal.
- Its medical cannabis products are expected to [help](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/tilray-stock-rises-after-the-company-shows-it-can-sell-recreational-pot-2019-03-18?mod=mw_theo_homepage) __100K German patients__ this year.
- And it's [tripling](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/tilray-stock-rises-after-the-company-shows-it-can-sell-recreational-pot-2019-03-18?mod=mw_theo_homepage) the size of its __Greenhouse-cultivated production in Portugal__ to keep up with all that love across the pond.


Tilray pops on its cannabis beer/medicine moves

Wondering how they'll patrol CBD-infused Budweiser

This Pot Bud's For You

__One of America's most powerful not-elected people...__ is Fed Chairman Jerome Powell (the guy who calls your number at the DMV is 2nd). Jerry announced Wednesday the Fed is *not* raising interest rates because the [economy's not too hot](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/20/us/politics/fed-rates.html) — it thinks GDP will only grow 2.1% this year, not the 2.3% first expected.

__A strong economy needs to be brought down a tad...__ and increasing interest rates usually does the trick: People simply can't borrow as easily to splurge when rates are higher. But the Fed's stopped increasing rates: 

- In December it raised its "one rate to rule them all" by 0.25% to 2.5%. __It then predicted 2 more increases in 2019__
- __Those raises haven't happened.__ And most of the Fed's 17 decision-makers don't think rates need to be hiked this year at all.


Stay

__Inflation's being really weird...__ The US economy's been growing since the '08 financial crisis and the unemployment rate's historically low. But for some reason prices aren't rising like they should in a strong economy. Maybe it's Amazon, Netflix, and Uber driving prices of things down. Economists simply aren't sure.

The Fed says interest rates probably won't rise this year

__The jewelry of Silicon Valley...__ are the new $159 AirPods you wish were all up in your ears. __[Apple](https://robinhood.com/stocks/aapl)__ just unveiled them. And unlike your ancient 2017 AirPods, they do this:

- __Speak with Siri__ by voice straight through them, so she's in your ears all day, e'ry day.
- __Wirelessly charge__ *if* you upgrade to the new, magical wireless-charging case for a smooth $40 more.
- __Connect via Bluetooth way faster__, so no more annoying waiting when you're just trying to get Spotify going before your run.

__Do less, Apple...__ These new AirPods were its 3rd product unveil this week. First, they hit us with new iPads and then Apple updated iMacs for the first time in two years. By the way, you busy Monday? Apple's got a [bigger launch](https://www.cnet.com/news/apple-event-march-25-what-to-expect-how-to-watch-apple-tv-streaming/) event planned, expected to be its "Netflix Killer."


Launched

__The art of the pivot...__ Apple's making it. Sales in its wearables biz (including AirPods) jumped 35% last year — But they still [only](https://www.wsj.com/articles/apple-launches-new-airpods-in-wearables-push-11553092528?mod=hp_major_pos16) make up 6% of all revenues. The iPhone? It's 66%. But since iPhone sales, the pride-of-Cupertino, are slowing, Apple's trying to make services and anything else happen (like "fetch").

Apple's wireless charging AirPods cap its product-palooza

"Miranda, someone's wearing the same Airpods as you"

Apple's JV Product Unveil

__Those shares look good on you...__ Fresh off the top shelf, __[Levi's](https://robinhood.com/stocks/levi)__ IPO'd Thursday, jumping to a $9B valuation under uncreative ticker symbol "LEVI." Since 70% of its sales are [to dudes](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/21/levi-strauss-shares-open-at-22point22-in-ipo.html), it's now focused on convincing women Levi's isn't their dads' jeans company.

__Look who's sporting Canadian tuxes now...__ It's the Haas family. They're decendents of the founder, old man Levi Strauss himself, and that family tree's controled the brand for 166 years. This IPO means they're fashionably [cashing out](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/19/why-levi-strauss-the-worlds-biggest-denim-brand-is-going-public.html) part of their heritage.

- Before yesterday they __owned over 80%__ of the company's voting shares. That means they could add a 3rd back pocket if they wanted. 
- The Haas fam's __selling 21M shares__ during this IPO in return for cash — $623M [total](https://www.forbes.com/sites/willyakowicz/2019/03/21/levi-strauss-heirs-sell-300-million-in-shares-at-ipo-pushing-family-net-worth-past-4-billion/#6db25c494b35).
- FYI, this is the 2nd time they've listed shares publicly -- Levi's __actually IPO'd back in 1971__, then went private in 1985. Now they're trying it on again.

Ripped

__The timing fits poorly...__ Jean sales globally have [only grown](https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/21/levi-strauss-shares-open-at-22point22-in-ipo.html) 3.5% the last decade, slower than fashion overall (blame athleisurewear, @Lululemon). And Levi competitors Old Navy and Wrangler are getting spun-off into their own publicly-traded companies this year.

Levi's jumps 32% on its IPO. Comfortably.

__Attack ads...__ Usually reserved for accusing your political opponent of eating pizza with a fork. But Budweiser brought them to the beer biz. Now Miller Coors is royally suing The King of Beers for it.

__Timmy and Dave argue over Beer Pong rules...__ Bud-owner __[AB InBev](https://www.robinhood.com/stocks/BUD)__ and Miller-owner __[Molson Coors](https://www.robinhood.com/stocks/TAP)__ fight over questionably accurate ingredient accusations. 

- __The first shot__ was the Super Bowl [ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkHvj_KEHBk&has_verified=1) shaming Coors and Miller Light for being brewed with corn syrup (unlike Bud).
- That’s when a __plan for American Macro Brews to unite__ with a “[Got Milk?](https://www.wsj.com/articles/buds-super-bowl-ad-threatens-to-derail-beer-alliance-11551009600)” style ad campaign fell apart.
- Yesterday, __Molson Coors sued Bud__, claiming its ads are [misleading](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/21/business/miller-lite-bud-light-lawsuit.html) — it does brew with corn syrup, but the final beer is free of the stuff (and evil high fructose corn syrup never touches the foam at all)
- __*The best part:__ to make Bud's campaign backfire, Coors deployed [magic taps](https://onmilwaukee.com/bars/articles/coors-light-smart-beer-tap.html) to bars nationwide that treat everyone to free Coors Light every time it hears the Bud Light ad playing on a nearby TV. 

__Craft is thy real enemy...__ Like Starks and Lannisters, AB InBev and Molson Coors could unite against the craft beer, wine, and spirits — all of which are growing faster than 30-packs of watery stuff stuck in 13-ounce cans.

Facebook Gets Poked (Badly)

This Pot Bud's For You

Apple's JV Product Unveil

Levi's Goes IPO Commando